Fuck I bought another pack of cigarettes, doh! It's been probably almost two months since I have before. I don't know what got into me, but I've really been craving nicotine. I haven't had any money lately and I've had $5 kickin around in my wallet for the last week or so. I haven't really had much money lately and with limit cash flow I have to chose between beer or cigarettes, and everyone knows what I'd probably prefer.
I watched a video about happiness today described by a Molecular Biologist Tibetian Monk guy from France.... that's a mouth full. But he was very interesting and I'll add the link to him at the end of this entry. He talked about how you need to learn to control your mind, and let things like anger just pass by your mind likes clouds floating in the sky with out leaving a trail. Just let it come to you, and let it leave. That's like exactly how I treat anger, and I always have for many years now. I don't know how I learned it but just one day I decided that being angry was stupid and usually meaningless... maybe it was all the people I saw getting dramatic over the smallest things in life. Sometimes anger is justifiable though, but not always the healthiest.
He also described anger like looking at a storm cloud, but when you get to the cloud it's just mist. Meaning that you can be angry about the way something seems, but when you really get to the logistics of it, it's not so bad. One more quote, not from him but he quoted another guy on this, happiness is 'the one that helps him self is looking for the cessation of suffering' or something very close to that. I interpret that as if you have many hobbies and do things you try to enjoy, and try to do everything with motivation and drive, do everything like it's the first thing you've ever done. The person that looks to improve himself in every way possible, that is someone trying to become happy.
But, if someone believes that they need everything to be happy, then they will never be happy. As soon as one of those things falls off, the person is no longer happy because he doesn't have everything. We are just humans in this gigantic world, trying to control everything is not possible, we can only control so much.
The video was very inspiring, and the pictures at the end of the slide show really made me feel compassion the way that he tried to describe.
I think I'm gonna go try to meditate, and think happy compassionate thoughts. Thoughts that everything and everyone can be loving and warm. Maybe I'll make me feel happier? I don't know it's worth a try, and the next time I post I'll let you know how it goes.
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