New Years

Wow, what a year. I can't believe how much has happened in the last year alone, it seems to have gone by so fast. I've been through some of the hardest times of my life in 2008, and thankfully the worst is over but life is still throwing curve balls at me like no other.

My resolution this year, 2009, was to work on being a better person, exercise more, and stop smoking. So far the former hasn't gone so well.

I woke up this morning, yes another one of those hungover,  hazy, and amazingly delirious mornings where my head was throbbing much more than usual. I had burns on my face, arms, and legs. My nose is sure to be broken and my nose has blood slowly trickling down my face, still. I know I hurt the kid last night, I feel bad I don't know what I was thinking. I could have killed him...

My temples are pulsing, and the inside of my mouth has a huge gash. Way to start off my resolution of becoming a better person this year. FUCK. Why did I have to get in a fight? It was about respect, something I felt like I didn't have much of. Seriously, did I just write that? Sounds like a bunch of trivial bullshit to me really. But, It's funny how something so superficial can be such a overwhelming factor in life. The worse part of it all is I probably lost more respect from some people than I gained from others. I know some people think completely different of me, and it really sucks because that's not who-I-am. My family is who I feel the worst about, I don't know how I can make this up to them except by learning from my experiences. They say an idiot learns from his own experiences, but a genius learns from others. I guess I'm the idiot in this case.

As I sit here writing, trying to convey all my emotions I'm in pain. Not physical pain, but pain in that huge muscle in your chest, you know the one that pumps all the blood through your body?Not to mention the fucking mental strain of it all.

 So many different things are pressing on me; friends, family, girls, random people?... I affect so many people with my decisions and the outcome in the recent has been far from commendable. And the crazy thing is it has nothing to do with words, but rather just my actions. My actions speak louder than my words, and I really don't think you can even hear what I'm saying.

Be responsible, life is only so long and you don't want to spend it in regret. Live strong, laugh a lot, and build your relationships, because all we have in life is each other and if you can't hold onto what you got..... then what do you have.

I want to start the new year over again, and take back everything. But all I can do now is just try to be a better person from here on out.

Happy New Year.